theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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