somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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