if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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