If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
