I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
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I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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