It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
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On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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