I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
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She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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