I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
