I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
