Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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