Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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