i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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