I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
