those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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