i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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