I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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