can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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