there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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