Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This is my gift to your gina
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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