That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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