hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
