she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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