yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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