I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
