I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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