Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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