In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
