I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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