smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
MIDGETS
????
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
