i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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