So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
