LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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