apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
