I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize