walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
