I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
