Dude my mom stole all your condoms
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
