I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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