hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
