How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
