Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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