Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
