she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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