Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am spending my child support on dildos
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
