dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
