I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
