so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
