i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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