I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
