Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
