I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
