3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
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I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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