just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
