The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
