He passed out mid-signature
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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