Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
