how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
