When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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