Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
