Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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