After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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