okay pat passed out under dana's car
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
