based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
