I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
