Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
