you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
