You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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