At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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