Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
