i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
