Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
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so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
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Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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