Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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