Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
