Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
