wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
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Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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