the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
